Re: To be in the closet or not to be in the closet
Posted by casey on 3/4/2012, 6:01 pm, in reply to "Re: To be in the closet or not to be in the closet"
I completely get what you're saying, Dave, and I can only imagine how liberating it must feel to smoke openly around anyone, without feeling angst. I daydream plenty about being able to do that. But for me, coming out is still not an option -- first and foremost, it would kill my relationship, which I care deeply about. But I also still harbor the desire to to quit altogether and live a healthier life. I haven't been strong enough to pull if off yet -- I think in some ways quitting can be even more challenging for the closeted smoker who is addicted for so many psychological reasons than it is for the open, heavy smoker who has created a self-identity as a smoker. But one of these days, I think I can win this battle, and then I can live angst-free just as you are able to do as a public smoker. |
But that doesn't stop me from fantasizing about being an open smoker sometimes...
: I think you'd be very pleasantly surprised.
: You may or may not know some specifically
: anti-smoking people, but the vast, vast
: majority of people could not possibly care
: less if someone smokes or not. Consequently,
: in most situations there isn't any crap to
: deal with.
: Before I came out, 99.99% of the
: "crap" was in my own head; driven
: by an inferiority complex, I used my public
: image as a nonsmoker as a sort of defense
: mechanism. It was part of an assortment of
: artificial and irrational trump cards I
: could play if I found myself feeling
: vulnerable. Even in situations with other
: smokers, I stuck to my goody-two-shoes
: image, because without that, I
: subconsciously believed I'd be revealed as
: inferior in every way.
: Because it destroyed this fašade and forced
: me to face my real worries (which had
: nothing to do with hearing negative comments
: about smoking) coming out was actually one
: of the healthiest, sanest decisions I've
: ever made.
: You'd likely also be surprised at just how
: easy it is. As Tim B. often says, it's like
: ripping a bandage off, in that thinking
: about it is the worst part by far, and once
: you do it it's over with before you know it.
: If you truly enjoy smoking, that will carry
: you all the rest of the way. After years of
: closet smoking, I settled into lighting up
: regularly during the work day in no time; no
: one said more than "I didn't know you
: smoked", and that was that. Easy.
: Ridiculously so, after all the torture I'd
: put myself through for no good reason.
: These days, I'm a courteous smoker, but I am
: also an utterly unapologetic one. If someone
: came up and accosted me for smoking (which
: has never happened by the way) I wouldn't
: think twice about pointing out that they are
: being rude and intrusive. I am an adult, and
: if I want to smoke it is truly my business
: and mine only, as long as I obey the law and
: follow the rules of private property owners.
: If you plan to continue to smoke and want to
: come out of the closet, I strongly encourage
: you to make up your mind and make a plan to
: do so. I can't tell you how glad you'll be
: that you did once it's all over with, and
: you can light up and relax and enjoy without
: all the preparation and paranoia and
: track-covering. It's freeing in ways that
: I'll wager you can't yet comprehend, and
: very much worth the effort!
: --Previous Message--
: I would really like to come out of the
: closet. Been in there for way too long.
: Problem is I don't want to deal with the
: crap from people.