It will be a week since I told my office colleague I was a closet smoker, and she said she wasn't really in the closet so much as being very discrete. For instance, she does not worry about the smell. We have had some intimate conversations, and it has been nice to be able to talk to someone for the first time in years.
I did come out to my wife about 12 years ago, but only came out generally for about a week or so because I have had a chronic sinus condition which causes my nasal passages to drain onto the back of my throat... and smoking makes it worse.
I will go several weeks without smoking, then smoke a half a pack, or sometimes a whole pack over the course of a week, and my post nasal drip will make my throat pretty uncomfortable, so I stop smoking for a while ... and the cycle continues.
Well, I am going to my ENT doc on Monday and I am going to ask him directly if there is any prescription medication which I could take which would allow me to smoke moderately, but consistently. I have tried everything he has suggested over the counter, and it hasn't made much difference. If there are no drugs that can help, I would consider surgery.
This is because I have come to realize that for my own happiness I need to do three things: 1) work to improve my nasal situation so I can maybe smoke a half a pack a day, 2) come out of the closet and smoke with some regularity, and 3) leave my wife, and begin my life as a smoker in search of a woman who can love me, and whom I can admire and respect, and almost certainly she should be a smoker -- or be willing to smoke. I don't see how I will ever know love again if I stay in my current marriage forever. And that is very depressing to think about.
« Back to index