Over the weekend, I did not take any of the medicine I had been taking to help with my sinuses. And guess what, my symptoms actually improved! I believe it took my body three weeks to adjust to the new reality that I was inhaling massive amounts of smoke. Between Sat. and Tuesday, I found myself doing just fine without the meds. As a consequence, I managed twenty cigs yesterday, and I am sitting at twenty again tonight, with several more to go after I post this update.
Today was also a momentous day in regard to my closet smoking: 1. I smoked openly on the public street in front of a store I often patronize, 2. When I bought three more packs of cigs, I also bought a smoker eater air freshener and put it in my car! As a consequence, I smoked three cigarettes during my drive thru city streets this afternoon! I wanted to make sure my kids' first exposure to the air freshener included a slight smokey smell, such that they might assume the new smell was simply a result of the air freshener.
I have four more days until I reach the four week milestone for my more open and aggressive smoking style. I plan to make sure I do well over two cartons over that period, and I am well on the way to doing that -- since in the last two days I have smoked a pack a day or more, with the likelihood of keeping it up, since I now can smoke in the car and the smell won't be obvious.
I am now thinking it is an absolute certainty that I will soon come out to my kids. My addiction is now so completely overwhelming that I simply must continue to smoke a great deal every night. Either I come out, or I get caught. If I have the courage to make a "coming out" moment in front of them all, they will surely catch me in the act... eventually.
One other thing: it turns out that my weight gain was imaginary! I have actually LOST ten pounds, rather than gain five! I was just assuming that I had gained that weight. As a result, I have had six beers both yesterday and today -- something that makes it much easier to indulge to the pack a day level on a daily basis.
So my goal is to do a pack a day through saturday night, then my fantasy of smoking heavily for a month will have been met. I will then see what happens after that. Thanks.