It has now been nearly six weeks since I began smoking regularly throughout the day and at home and over the weekend whenever I can. My sinus issues have greatly diminished as I have maintained my average of 14 cigs a day. I hit 500 smokes in less than five weeks, and on the same day I bought my first carton of Marlboro Light 100s in nearly six years.
As my smoking has become more routine, my arousal has calmed, as I suspected it would. I still find myself becoming aroused rather easily, but it doesn't have the intensity of before.
Today was the best day so far. It seems my sinus drainage has become merely a minor distraction, and I have enjoyed my indulgence as a result. If my throat can remain this way (just some minor sinus drainage that hardly bothers me at all), I can see myself smoking regularly in such a pleasureable and almost "normal" way that it feels absolutely wonderful.
I smoked with my wonderful female coworker this afternoon and it wa so relaxing and pleasant -- no anxiety or nervousness at the back door of my building-- that I can feel myself building the confidence to simply announce to my kids that I am a smoker, and, while they may not like it, they simply need to accept it.
I would really prefer to announce it, rather than get caught, but I obviously must speak to my wife to prepare her for such an event.
By the way, throughout all this, my non-smoking wife and I have had only one night of incredible sex. She has undergone surgery (not serious), which has made it impossible to engage in sexual activity. It has really been hard to desire her, and yet have not be able to take advantage of my new freedom, and the arousal that comes with it, to pleasure ourselves. This has probably had the effect of intensifying my smoking as compensation. Which is okay, but I look forward to making passionate love with her after smoking several cigarettes to maximize my sexual desire.