Sunday night. it has been an remarkable six days since my last post. My body has apparently adjusted to my behavior, for my sinus problems -- which have so intensely distracted and concerned me for so many years -- has virtually disappeared, at least for now!
As a consequence, I can feel myself becoming a "regular" normal smoker! For the first time in my life, I find myself able to smoke as I wish without being distracted, and deterred, by my sinus/throat problems. It feels absolutely wonderful.
I thiink I really must tell my wife of my situation and reveal to her that I am ready to come out to the children regarding my "recent decision" to return to smoking. As earth=shattering as that sounds to my heart and mind, I feel compelled to do this sooner, rather than later. It is so hard to abstain for hours as I hang out with my kids over the weekend, I can sense my determination to finally -- after 35 years -- to reveal that I am a smoker.
Of course, I won't reveal my smoking fetish, even though there is a part of me that would like to. Some things are not anybody's business, even your own kids.
I will just say that I smoked as a younger adult, and let them deal with it. Even though I would like to "justify" my illogical behavior, I know it makes more sense to just let my kids think I'm weak rather than sexually deviatant. (If that is the right term....