[ Post a Response | Prayer ]
Posted by Megumi on 9/29/2008, 2:28 am, in reply to "...:We Are So Cold:..."
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Megumi winced at Child of Frost’s first words, knowing she had once again hurt him so unintentionally. Was that the curse upon her? That she should throw daggers when most she wished to throw flowers? That she should embrace with a thorny vine instead of warm comfort?
His words stung, but in a way that was beyond pain. It was not that they hurt her. It was that they sought to comfort her, to take away her own agony. He was still the same as ever, thinking himself a cruel wolf when he had never done anything but bring hope, light and anticipation to her life.
“I suppose...I wish to reach the top so that I might feel the agony of losing everything, it seems the only fitting punishment for one such as myself. To be taken away from all that I might have held dear, to be isolated and tortured within and of myself for my foolishness and misplaced aspirations. I have not been punished, Child of Frost...not nearly enough to atone for all of my sins. I want nothing more than to be whole again. How can I be whole before I have been utterly destroyed?”
As he spoke of their past together, Megumi felt the prick of tears in her eyes. He spoke of a creature that had never truly existed but as the means to an end. She had been whatever was necessary to manipulate this one male’s affections, to use him. It had all been a silly little game to her.
When he moved closer to her, the wolfess stayed as she was, laying upon the ground watching him. She would not retreat; she was too weary to think of finding some escape from her past self’s responsibilities. It was time she faced up to them.
“No, Child of Frost,” she murmured faintly, her eyes pleading with his. “You know I could never do such to you. Even as I wish to abandon this form and begin anew, you know that in truth my greatest desire is the latter: to start again. I want a clean slate, I want to forget who I was and make myself into someone new. I want to tumble from a height tall enough to knock my memories away, to wake not knowing who I’ve been and what I’ve done. I want to wake into blissful darkness, capable of making myself into someone completely different from the Megumi you knew. The Megumi who allowed you to fall into false love with her. The Megumi who was never able to love you as anything more than a means to an end.”
She paused, the silence somehow a comfort, even as her thoughts continued to race. At last, the first of what would be many tears managed to fall. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she made her most selfish confession: “I want to love you, Child of Frost. Only you. Always you.”
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