The easiest way to avoid regrets is to ask yourself this question, "If not now, when?" It's a powerful way to put life and our decisions about how we spend our time into perspective"

Dad update Posted by Krista on 9/20/2025, 9:40 am Not a lot known after his catscan. They are going to remove some polyps on Oct 1. Dad doesn't think the doc thought they were new - just that they wanted to get them out of there in case there were going to cause an issue. She wants Dad to speak with his heart doctor to see if he is strong enough for surgery. She and Dad talked about quality of life. There is no way Dad wants to spend extended time in the hospital or in a nursing home. He would rather live what life he has at home. To me and my brother, he is doing well. He walks short distances within home with walker, they get out of the house a couple times of week with transfer wheel chair. I wish he would work more with physio to build walking strength but he's not interested. They are close to getting the stairlift now which will make getting in/out of house easier. He is very pessimistic - he calls it realistic. He doesn't want to talk or think about it. Yesterday would have been their wedding anniversay (Mom has been gone 20 years) and tomorrow is his 81st birthday. I wish we had someone who could talk to him but he's of a cartain age / mindset. He keeps telling my brother he will probably die Oct 1. It's disheartening and I don't know what I can do to help.

I went through this too Posted by Cindyh on 9/21/2025, 1:41 am, in reply to "Dad update" with Mom. My Dad will be 80 Oct 15. It was very hard to watch Mom make decisions that I didn’t want her to make (quitting dialysis that ends her life) but at that point Krista her quality of life was not very good. And what a brave decision. I hope when my time comes that I need to make a choice like that, I am strong enough to do it with the grace she did Listen to your Dad and be there for him with your love and support as hard as it is. I know I will be there all too soon with my Dad

I am glad you gave us an update. Posted by Beverly on 9/20/2025, 10:11 pm, in reply to "Dad update" This is a hard time for your Dad, of course. But certainly for all the family and people who care so much about him. He has so many feelings spinning in him. My mom was the same way. Feeling that it's not worth trying when she knows it's not going to change. It was a process. I didn't always know what to say. I listened. Be encouraging but let own her feelings. It was tricky. I am so sorry, sweetie. This is scary and hard.

I so understand… Posted by Cindy on 9/20/2025, 7:23 pm, in reply to "Dad update" Exactly what you are saying. I saw this with my mom, always wondering why so many others were gone and she was still here. I always told her that she can’t cut in line, God will call her home when it’s her time. And He did. Ken gets depressed that he can’t do what he once could do (can any of us?) and I try to get him to be grateful for what he can do and just keep on working to get stronger. For Ken things went downhill so quickly that it has made it harder for him to come to terms with things. I pray he will. Spend as much time with your dad as you can. You will cherish this time years from now.

Thank you for the update! Posted by Joan on 9/20/2025, 6:16 pm, in reply to "Dad update" I was hoping you'd have time to give us an update today. I remember with my Mom, we had to take our cue from her. I would call her every evening, and we would "talk", but really, I would do my best to just listen.

Aging parents. It's hard to watch. Posted by Paula on 9/20/2025, 10:26 am, in reply to "Dad update" You know my niche, so to speak, is the elderly. Often, they come to see me because a well-intentioned son or daughter thinks they're depressed. Sometimes they are and therapy with another 'senior' and some meds might help. Other times, they're not depressed. They're just done and ready to go, often wondering why they're still here. I don't try to talk them out of it. It seems like a natural stage of development to me. With all that's gone on with me these past months, I've realized I definitely don't want to keep on if it would mean one illness after another, one hospitalization after another, one intolerable loss of function and independence after another. I don't know your dad and I know this is hard for you and Paul. Just listen and really hear him. Then, stand by him.

Thank you Paula Posted by Krista on 9/20/2025, 3:50 pm, in reply to "Aging parents. It's hard to watch. " Wonderful advice and that's what we will do. I appreciate this.

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