The easiest way to avoid regrets is to ask yourself this question, "If not now, when?" It's a powerful way to put life and our decisions about how we spend our time into perspective"
Bill turns 84 today so I'm reflecting a lot. He loves his birthday. I remember in the past that my stomach would be in knots most of the day because I was afraid his kids wouldn't call and he'd be hurt. Still find myself listening when he's on the phone to see if it's one of them. He loves life. He definitely has the Irish gift of gab. He repeats his stories over and over. His voice is sort of like Joe Biden's...hushed and sort of breathy. He doesn't process information very well and usually has a blank face when I ask him to do something. He can't follow me. I think his church (LDS) like and respect him. It's pretty much his whole life. He loves my babies. He helps so much with them. He shoveled the snow and cut the grass. He's way beh6on the leafs which ticks my neighbors off because they blow into their yards which are all cleaned up. I know what he is doing pretty much every time of the day because he is so regimented. We met at work in 1993. We became friends. I moved to TN. He ended up getting divorced. We started talking long distance more frequently. We fell in love. I came back to South Bend, IN and we got married in 1999 I think. It was a pretty horrible marriage within good times thrown in. After my folks died, we moved to MD for 10 years and have been in Virginia for almost 14 years. Hard to believe. He has stood by me through a broken shoulder, gallbladder surgery, 6 back surgeries, WLS, Bilateral knee replacements, depression; the losses of all my babies over the years.
We've pretty much run out of gas with arguing. I let more and more things go though he can still trigger my anger with a few old behaviors.
I hear him talking now in the other room. Can't make out what he's saying but hear his voice.
The biggest thing I'm thinking about today is what's going to happen when I move to Georgia in a couple years. As I've said before, when I stop working, I have to sell my house because the equity is really all the savings I have. I also want to be near Carin and the boys. I asked him if he would have any interest in moving with me. His whole life and support system is here and he doesn't want to. He said a family at his church said he can move in with them when it's time.
I've told his oldest that he will need to step in when I'm gone. He's in Indiana. I know Bill inside and out and it will be very hard on me to leave him. I think I've watched over him for years, even when we were apart. I will worry about him. I will miss him.
Paula
Posted by Cindyh on 12/12/2025, 12:05 am, in reply to "Musings...long"
That tore at my heart. How hard that will be. It the relationship of your life. It is what you have known and like I told Hannah, as we all know the most important part of any marriage is the friendship. How much will it bother you to leave him? I know you want to be by Carin, but also you’ve never been in that setting.
Ugh so hard. I feel for you my friend Hugs
Paula
Posted by Beverly on 12/11/2025, 9:57 pm, in reply to "Musings...long"
I am glad you and Bill have been able to work it out somethwat.. and are able to live together. Of course, ... it's tuff and way hard when you have to not let him anger you or look past certain things. I think that the older we get more instense persoality traits from the past . If you know what I mean.
It's comforting to think his church family could help to look after him when you inevitally leave.
Princess Molly has been throwing up a lot. Usually, it's a hairball. It became once a month, then once a week, then everyday and then 2x a day. Knew something was up. After a thorough check up... seems like she eats to fast and doesn't really chew much. She is so picky. But, I am spreading out her meals into smaller portions, offering her some gravy things (moisture), ordered a cat puzzle for eating and to slow down*who knew??. I'll keep you posted. No throwing up for 2 days. My little cat 'gobbler'.
Had my infusion on Tuesday. I didn't feel quite as woozy as usual.
I really like talking to my sister nearly everyday. She has 2 new cats. (It's been years) ... obsessed and totally in love.
Next week the colonoscopy. I am anxious in every way to see how it turns out. While doing better since giving up dairy... my gastro system has been 'a mess'. I am praying for good result. Something managable.
You wonderful ladies... love you all so much.
Beverly
Posted by Cindyh aka CindyLynne lol on 12/12/2025, 12:08 am, in reply to "mine"
I will keep you in my prayers for your colonoscopy and it needs to be good news!! Please let us know. Hugs To pmkk also
Glad PMK is ok.
Posted by Paula on 12/11/2025, 1:16 pm, in reply to "mine"
Ah...a colonoscopy. I have you to have one next year. Because there were pre- cancerous cell, I have to have a recheck in 3 years instead of 10. Actually, I'm grateful for that.
