The easiest way to avoid regrets is to ask yourself this question, "If not now, when?" It's a powerful way to put life and our decisions about how we spend our time into perspective"
So frustrated
Posted by Krista on 5/23/2026, 6:39 pm
Dad should be out Monday or Tuesday. His surgeon is very pleased with results.
Dad goes from high to low - one minute being thankful to be alive and the next saying he doesn't want to live, having a bag of shit that needs changing by someone for the rest of his life and would rather die.
My brother is obsessive that someone has to be with Dad every waking moment. He loses his mind if I leave - which I did today as Dad told me to (it was a gorgeous day).
I feel so guilty that my brother is carrying this alone pretty well and when I mention I have 2 jobs and a husband, he gets all huffy. I hate having unrest but one again with all that my life contains, it's too much.
I will be thankful when he is home but this is such an emotional rollercoaster
This is frustrating.
Posted by Paula on 5/24/2026, 1:48 pm, in reply to "So frustrated"
I'm sure Paul is overreacting out of his own fear and anxiety about your dad's health and may even be feeling insecure about the amount of care he is going to have to provide for your dad. The steps for taking care of the bag sound easy but, it can be tricky due to the patient's build up of gas and wonky connectors. It's really hard on the patient and the caregiver when something goes wrong with it. (This from the experiences of many of my hospice clients and even some therapy clients).
Nerves are running high and patience low.
You definitely don't need to be with your dad 24 hours/day while he's in the hospital! Paul isn't likely to hear reason right now but you need to go ahead and TCB and do that help you relax and smile. Glad you shared with us. Btw...239 I love it!
Krista
Posted by Joan on 5/24/2026, 9:36 am, in reply to "So frustrated"
I'm so sorry to read how frustrated you are, and I don't blame you!
I agree with everything Delta and Cindy wrote, especially about someone being with your Dad 24/7 while he is in the hospital. I do think you and your brother should be in and out for a couple hours at a time, but hospital personnel should be taking care of things there.
But, as always, you and your family are in my prayers. May you feel the Spirit of the Lord especially today!
I am sorry that you are caught in the
Posted by Delta on 5/24/2026, 2:31 am, in reply to "So frustrated"
middle of this. I don't understand why your brother would think that your dad needs someone with him 24/7 while he is in the hospital. Isn't that their job?
If he feels that your dad needs someone there when he gets home perhaps you could hire someone to sit with him to give your brother a break. Here our Medicare usually pays for that if it is ordered by a doctor. You are right; you have two jobs and a husband. That don't leave you a lot of time. Stop allowing your brother to make you feel guilty over that.
The highs and lows your dad is feeling are normal. I went through it. My mother went through it. It is a big change and scary, uncharted territory at first. After things become more habitual he should settle down and get better. Truth to tell, getting changed back was almost as scary after having a bag for a year. You would think going back wouldn't be scary, but it was. Change.
Is there a reason that your dad won't be able to change his own bag eventually? It is a pretty simple procedure. Did he get one that can be emptied when needed and changed every week or one that has to be changed when full? Emptying is very easy and simple, although at first my mother couldn't bring herself to do it the easy way and had a whole ritual she went through, who knows why unless it was because she was scared.
Try to relax. Be there when you can but know that you can't fix what scares your brother or dad. They will have to come to terms with that on their own.
This is stressful…
Posted by Cindy on 5/24/2026, 1:12 am, in reply to "So frustrated"
If Paul truly feels that your dad needs to have someone with him all the time you need to check into getting someone that can come in during the day for a few hours which will give Paul a break that he clearly needs. Neither one of you should be expected to be with your dad 24/7 if he is able to be alone for a few hours or has someone else there.
Krista you are right-you have 2 jobs and a husband and Paul needs to understand this. I think finding someone to come in during the day-even if it’s just for 4-5 hours would help.
Will your dad be able to change his bag at some point? Maybe he would feel better if he didn’t have to rely on others for that?
I can understand your frustrations. Did you ever check into any kind of depression medication your dad could take that might help? I think what he is feeling (highs and lows) is natural but if there was something that could help with his mood, it might be worth checking in to see if it could help.
Love you sweet friend.
Thanks ladies
Posted by Krista on 5/24/2026, 6:29 pm, in reply to "This is stressful…"
I so appreciate you and your love.
My brother and Dad are too proud and too stubborn. They have extra-mural care coming but would never hire someone to come into the home. Even though it would be a great thing, I agree - there is no chance at all.
Here's praying things get more positive with him home tomorrow