middle of this. I don't understand why your brother would think that your dad needs someone with him 24/7 while he is in the hospital. Isn't that their job?

If he feels that your dad needs someone there when he gets home perhaps you could hire someone to sit with him to give your brother a break. Here our Medicare usually pays for that if it is ordered by a doctor. You are right; you have two jobs and a husband. That don't leave you a lot of time. Stop allowing your brother to make you feel guilty over that.

The highs and lows your dad is feeling are normal. I went through it. My mother went through it. It is a big change and scary, uncharted territory at first. After things become more habitual he should settle down and get better. Truth to tell, getting changed back was almost as scary after having a bag for a year. You would think going back wouldn't be scary, but it was. Change.

Is there a reason that your dad won't be able to change his own bag eventually? It is a pretty simple procedure. Did he get one that can be emptied when needed and changed every week or one that has to be changed when full? Emptying is very easy and simple, although at first my mother couldn't bring herself to do it the easy way and had a whole ritual she went through, who knows why unless it was because she was scared.

Try to relax. Be there when you can but know that you can't fix what scares your brother or dad. They will have to come to terms with that on their own.