The easiest way to avoid regrets is to ask yourself this question, "If not now, when?" It's a powerful way to put life and our decisions about how we spend our time into perspective"

Morning ladies Posted by Paula on 6/9/2025, 9:19 am So, yesterday, my first day home. Bill.leaves me.to go to church but says he'll come straight home. Actually promises to do so. He's gone 3 1/2 hours. This morning I am up around 4 because I went to bed so early. He gets up at 6. Feeds the cats and lets the dogs out. Lewis is outbthere howling his head off and I get snarled at when I tell Bill it's early and I don't want the neighbors upset. He feeds the dogs and just leaves. Doesn't ask how I am or if I need anything. Have no idea when he'll be back. Dogs need to go out but I don't dare do those steps. WHO treats someone like this? Mr. SUPER MORMON. That's who. I have to be thankful I have someone but he is just mean, selfish and thoughtless...only interested in what he wants when he wants it. Can you ever imagine your husband being this way? Or, anyone, really? Diarrhea this morning. Better than constipation and probably could be expected given all the drugs, etc. TG for the bidet. Pain a little worse this morning but I think that's to be expected. Being upset and anxious doesn't help. Took a 2-house walk yesterday. I kept telling him that he needed to stay near me but he wouldn't and for angry when I reminded him. I'm just so upset.

I’m sorry you are … Posted by Cindy on 6/10/2025, 12:51 am, in reply to "Morning ladies " Being treated so badly by Bill. You deserve better. $700 doesn’t seem like much to be paying you. I think you should rethink how much he is paying and raise his rent a little. It would be one thing if he was helping you with everything - but he isn’t. As for when you sell the house and move-that will be his son that will have to deal with where he is going to live. Your responsibility ended when you got divorced. You are a strong woman Paula and I know you will get through this. (((((HUGS)))))

I am grateful for the things that Posted by Delta on 6/9/2025, 4:52 pm, in reply to "Morning ladies " are going well for you in the circumstance; your dressing not oozing, being able to walk as much as you can, and get back and forth to the bathroom and kitchen by yourself, and even that you have Bill there to help out with the dogs. I don't have to imagine my husband being that way. He sounds just like my husband has sounded for several years, it is the way my husband has always been if I am the one down. He is much better since he had other side effects, and they changed some of his meds, but he can still growl and snarl out of nowhere over normal things occasionally, but the rest of the time, I am not living with a stranger. I know how it can get to you, especially not feeling up to par yourself. Try to let it slide off and don't take it personally because being totally by yourself is worse, even if it doesn't seem that way when he is snarling. When he is snarling like that, it is totally about him and not you. Remember that. Just smile and think of Paris because if you let it affect you or if you engage, it is a reward for the behavior, and you will just get more of it, but if he is anything like my husband, putting all that into a vacuum does not sit well. It might bring out more tantrums for a bit, but if all of them fall into a vacuum, he starts trying to do what gets attention by acting better. ((Paula)) You will soon be back on your feet and not having to put up with this.

Right on each score. Posted by Paula on 6/9/2025, 9:56 pm, in reply to "I am grateful for the things that " Sometimes it boggles my mind that he can still hurt me. Not feeling well definitely makes me more vulnerable emotionally I do stuff for him all the time. Most, I don't think he even notices. AND, even now, I'm getting my own coffee, food, walking around without his assistance except when I take a walk outside. If I can, I DO! This is our arrangement. He pays me $700/month all included even laundry and dish stuff, paper supplies, washer/dryer, the furniture. His SS is something like $1700. He couldn't rent a studio apt and pay utilities around here for that amount. In fact, I get concerned about what he will do when I stop working and sell the house. There is no way we could live in an apartment together. His son worries, too.

Believe it or not Posted by Delta on 6/9/2025, 11:39 pm, in reply to "Right on each score." he is doing you a favor by not waiting on you hand and foot. As exhausting and painful as it is, you will heal faster doing for yourself. Proven fact.

Like I said Posted by Paula on 6/10/2025, 7:49 am, in reply to "Believe it or not" If I can, I DO.

And he has 0 in savings! Nt Posted by Paula on 6/9/2025, 10:12 pm, in reply to "Right on each score." Y

Is there some home health care available? Posted by Krista on 6/9/2025, 10:12 am, in reply to "Morning ladies " I would be frustrated too, Paula. I can see why he isn't your husband anymore. I wish I could package Ray up and send him down to care for you for a week or more. Is there home health care available that could help out?

Right? Posted by Paula on 6/9/2025, 11:22 am, in reply to "Is there some home health care available?" I don't need home health at this point. I am pretty independent already. I can walk and stand in the kitchen to make something simple to eat but may have to make a couple trips to get it to the living room. I can get to and from the bathroom ok. He has to make my bed (.ie pull the covers up). He has to change my dressing. It is completely dry but he has to put new gauze on it with 3 strips of wide tape. It's not draining or anything but still needs to be covered. He'll have to help me shower tomorrow. Probably just have to hand me stuff and pick up anything I drop. Maybe wash my back . The whole time he'll be growling at me, 'are you done yet?' He is just not kind and everyone who doesn't really know him thinks he is just wonderful! I won't be able to drive for a couple weeks so he'll have to do that like when I see the surgeon in 2 weeks. I'll have PT at some point.

I meant something different Posted by Krista on 6/9/2025, 12:45 pm, in reply to "Right?" I meant this type of person: A home health aide (HHA) or personal care aide (PCA) can assist with changing dressings and getting into the shower/bath. They are trained in providing personal care, including hygiene, bathing, and dressing assistance.

I really don't need that. Posted by Paula on 6/9/2025, 2:43 pm, in reply to "I meant something different" The dressing isn't complicated. You don't even have to clean the wound . It takes 2 minutes. I am pretty sure I'll be able to shower or sit on the shower chair. I just can't pick stuff up if I drop it.

Are you allowed to to use a grabber? Posted by Beverly on 6/9/2025, 6:38 pm, in reply to "I really don't need that." It has been helpful to me. I can see why you are so frustrated with Bill. Not very helpful and mean/grouchy is tough. Come here and get rid of your frustrations here.

Thanks, Beverly. That's just what I do. Posted by Paula on 6/9/2025, 9:47 pm, in reply to "Are you allowed to to use a grabber?" Yes to grabbers, bidet (TG), back brace, adjustable bed. I can do almost all my self care except change the dressing and pick stuff up when I'm showering . I'm afraid to use the grabbers in the shower . Afraid of losing my balance. It's the animals mostly. I feel helpless when they need something and I can't provide ot, like going in/out, being fed, cat box scooped. I can't reach into the freezer but can use the grabbers for some stuff.

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