I weighed 251 one evening this past week. I ate like a maniac. High calorie stuff and tons of it. Two weeks ago I was back in the 230s. I said this on the Zoom chat, I get to the 230s and I start to panic. I start thinking that I'll never be able to get in the 220s; that I don't have the perseverance to push through inevitable plateaus; I'll never be able to maintain a significant loss.

II do believe those things so I choose to sabotage myself rather than having those fears come true. It's like I want to be in control of my own failures! I'll fail on my terms.

This food stuff is insane. You get on a roll and begin to think, "I got this." I don't believe I will ever get it. Maybe it can be less.of a struggle but auto pilot...not happening.

I feel embarrassed. Yes, I'm down to 245 but gees oh pete!