I would give anything for Carin to move here. Technically,she could given her job is remote. She refuses to even consider it because she has so many bad memories of being raised in Virginia. I think she has equally bad Georgia memories but the childhood stuff often feels worse to people.

The last 2 years of my parents' lives, I made a conscious decision to love them like they had never been able to love me. They would have a puzzled face when they received kindness from me (not that I had been more unkind than any kid growing up but they certainly were unkind to one another) I saw them soften and almost seemed confused by it. It was such a healing time. I'm sure I've shared this before.

A couple years ago, I decided to do the same with Carin. She has made bad decision after bad. Her life view is so off and she has years of sadness that she masks with anger and impulsive acts. My sister and brother-in-law have never been supportive of her because of her choices and their consequences, especially on her 30 y/o daughter when she was raising her. Because she wasn't living a 'Godly' life, they continually cut her off. We were estranged for almost 10 years because I couldn’t handle the dumb, promiscuous, dangerous stuff she was doing. I regret that. My sister and bil moved to GA a couple years ago. They never once invited Carin and the boys over...it was too stressful on their dog. What??? My sister made her husband move back to VA after a year or so. He does anything she asks.

I'm sorry. This is just all too complicated. Bottom line, she has not made it easy to love her through everything. I've wanted to smack her more than once regarding her decisions, especially the impact on her kids. I don't sugarcoat my opinions but I will not abandon her like everyone else has repeatedly done. That's my goal, anyway. These cut-offs are what my family does. My dad and his siblings. My father and my brother, many times. My brother and his daughter for years! My sister and me 2 or 3x. My brother with me many times.

Lots of alcoholism. My mom and brother were sexually abused as kids (my grandfather and my uncle)

I know all families have their stuff but we're just a disaster. If my family came to me for help, I wouldn't know where to start! I shake my head when I realize that I'm the sanest one in the family. I've had tons of therapy and my career choice was not by accident.

Love you gals