Typing this out on my phone so there will be errors


I underestimated Deborah and feel bad about it. First, Aida was great. Afterwards we went to the Jefferson Hotel...fanciest hotel in Richmond. We usually just get a drink or 2 and an appetizer.

I digress.

While at the restaurant, I don't even know how it started, but I ended up telling her how frustrated I am with the back and forth of trying to lose weight. She said that she knows it's an addiction like any other one. I never would have guessed she knew that and agreed with it. She went on to talk about how hard it was to stop smoking. She was surrounded by secondhand smoke growing up. John smoked heavily and so did she. I thought she had quit years ago and was surprised to hear she didn't stop until she was 60. Turning 70 this year.

Her mom died from lung cancer and, a few years ago, they found a nodule on her lung. Each year she had it checked and it hadn't changed much. THEN, she shared that she just had a scan and there are now multiple nodules and some are big. This is not good. My stomach sank. She doesn't know if the.doc will still take a wait and see approach or go for an MRI or biopsy. She is going to get two opinions. She is very scared. Her mom died at 70. She was more vulnerable with me than she has ever been. I mean amazingly so. She has no family except for 2 very old aunts, one in MD and the other in Israel. I know I am as close to her as anyone. She said she tries not to think about it but it's all she can think about. I get that. I will be there for her for whatever she needs. Without Carin, I would have no one who would stand by me if I became disabled or really sick but, I have close friends and neighbors who love me and who I can share with. I don't think she has anyone else. That kind of aloneness takes my breath away. She sees the doc on Monday.

Then, my oh my. Last night, Carin opened up and said things are a disaster with Thomas. He has resorted to his behavior, trying to control her every move, demanding more time, telling her she has to be done with work and all her chores by 5:00. She is teaching 16 on line courses,cooking all the meals, taking care of the house and kids,the only one bringing in money (he does odd jobs when he can find them). He ties this all in with a perverted interpretation of a Christian marriage. The other night it really blew up. He said mean and hateful things to 2 of the boys. Avi came at him and raged at him, saying all the trouble he has caused all of them, screaming, crying. The middle son, Josh, called the police. In theory, he is supposed to be remanded to prison if he has any encounter with the law. These cops let it go.

He is now living in Carin's car. His choice because he can't stand to be in their presence. Carin told him he had to leave. And, if they had any chance at all, they needed to be in therapy. He refused that idea. He has nobody to take him in and will probably go to a shelter. Once again she said she is done.

I told her tonight that she sees the damage he is doing to the kids and, of course, to her. I begged her to stay strong and to prioritize them. The kids have been messes for years and they, truly, can't tolerate any more. Heart sick. She is very sad but sounds resolved to move on. But, she has sounded that way before.